Co-Dependency, One of the Enemy’s Deadliest Weapons

by Karin Peavy on September 22, 2016

in Change Your Life, Guidance, identity in christ, Purpose

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Co-Dependency, One of the Enemy's Deadliest WeaponsCo-dependency is one of the enemy’s deadliest weapons. The belief that without a certain person, group or situation you have no identity or value destroys dreams and wastes precious talents. Sacrificing your time and money again and again for someone else’s gain (and sometimes at their demand) while they give nothing back in return ruins your self-esteem.

I discovered this trait in me many years ago when I got involved with a Christian group that exhibited cult like traits. All my time was taken up with their activities. They demanded absolute loyalty. You could not question leadership. I didn’t see these damaging characteristics immediately. I uncovered them slowly over the course of sixteen years.

As a young person of eighteen, I hungered for warmth and friendship. It had always been difficult for me to make friends and by becoming involved I now had lots!

I wanted God to use me. These people seemed to be going places and I wanted to go too.

For sixteen years, I held on to the belief that I was appreciated and that doors would open allowing me to use my abilities. Somehow I was able to ignore the constant correction (seemed none of us could ever do anything right), late night meetings (I never got to bed before midnight back in those days even though I had to go to work the next morning), and how my mentors left one by one. After those three women vanished, to me, the light went out of that place. Out of fear, the leader became even more controlling.

I eventually left. The separation gave me time to seek the Lord. I saw how I had been drawn in and stayed because of my emotional hunger. I did not think I was smart enough to figure things out for myself so I leaned on someone else to do it. The group had given me purpose and direction. I was often proud of the fact that I had an active, busy life. It made me feel important.


Co-dependency = people addiction


Feeling isolated, I guess you could say I went through a sort of withdrawal. Used to a  hubbub of activity, I almost climbed the walls one evening. I clearly heard the Lord speak: “Christianity is not about being busy all the time.” Wow. What a revelation. 

Like everyone, you long for connection with others and that is not wrong. Romans 12:5 says that the Body of Christ is formed of many parts and we all belong to one another. It’s a joy and delight to serve along side of and fellowship with someone like-minded. However, if a church member leaves or a church or ministry changes its direction and your position is no longer needed, will you find new focus? There is nothing wrong with wanting a family. But when the children grow up and move away, if a marriage should end by either death or divorce, will you allow the Lord to breathe a fresh wind of purpose into your life? 

Your value comes from God alone. He is the one who created you, made you who you are. Your personality, body type, skin color are all designated by Him. He knows why He placed you here on earth. It’s your responsibility to seek Him for that reason.

You have to learn how to reach out to people without becoming addicted to them. (That is what co-dependency actually is — an addiction.) You can by knowing who you are in Christ, by developing your faith and dependency on the Lord. 



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