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Love Yourself: The Simple Key to Attracting the Right People into Your LifeLearning how to love yourself is an important message many Christians have ignored. Some believe it’s selfish to think about themselves. So, they give, give and give some more until exhaustion and discouragement sets in.

For most of my life I’ve had toxic relationships.

Growing up, there was an uncle that visited our home and raised sand every chance he got. None of the other adults in my life made an effort to stop him. So, I accepted his attitude as normal even though I did not like his behavior.

When people do not speak out against what is out of whack, everyone learns to roll with it. The silence sets us up to accept more dysfunction.

That’s why it was easy for me to give sixteen years of my life to a church run by a twisted, controlling man who called himself a Pastor.

After leaving that church, the Lord put all my relationships under the microscope. I was shocked to learn that many of my friendships were toxic. I was equally surprised at how easy it was to be drawn to these kinds of friendships.


You can never love others until you love yourself.


I had a fight with a friend I’d known for years. We didn’t talk for a while. During this period, another friend introduced me to a woman who had started a Bible study in her home. We eventually became close. Over the years there were tensions. Once we didn’t speak for two years. We eventually renewed our friendship. Then, one day, she called me a horrible name. I ended that relationship.

Before that happened, I saw something amazing. She was the same person as the friend I’d had a fight with! There were many similarities.

Why did I attract toxicity into my life? Already used to dealing with dysfunction, I was also needy. I had absorbed every criticism made about me over the years and decided I wasn’t likable.

The devil had set me up. He caused unfeeling people or those who meant well to make a series of statements. When you are young, you are easily influenced. I swallowed these comments hook, line and sinker. For a long time, I did not appreciate myself or see my value.

When I began walking with God, that opinion didn’t change immediately. As I mentioned before, I ended up in a spiritually abusive environment. I took the same criticism I had received all my life.

It wasn’t until I had gotten away from that environment that God finally got my attention and taught me how to love myself.

You might have already guessed the key to attracting the right people into your life. It’s loving yourself.

You will never love others until you love yourself. Jesus said in Matthew 22:39 Thou shalt love thy neighbour as thyself.

You need to see your value and worth. God sent His only Son, the most precious gift He owned, into this sick, ugly world for me and you. He wanted you connected to Him forever. Why? You are the work of His hands and precious in His sight. He created you and chose to love you. Therefore, you ought to love yourself. And, when you do, you can freely love others.


If you want to effectively carry out the

1 Corinthians 13 mandate, you will first have to

apply these same standards towards yourself.


I’m not talking about selfishness – thinking of yourself all the time. No, there will be times when you need to put the needs of others first. However, what often happens with aiming to practice the love of God, you might forget about yourself completely. You might be someone who has allowed others to deplete all your time, energy and money. Maybe you’ve let someone treat you like a garbage can.

The love of God does bear all things, hopes all things, believes all things, endures all things (I Corinthians 13:7) but why do you believe this means letting others walk all over you? Why not apply this same attitude towards yourself? Do you give up and lose faith in yourself? Can’t you remain hopeful of becoming what God wants you to be? If you want to effectively carry out the 1 Corinthians 13 mandate towards others, you will first have to apply these same standards towards yourself.

As I write this blog post, Christmas is just four days away. This is not your typical Christmas message. Shouldn’t I write about the glory of Christmas, the angelic activity surrounding Jesus birth or the wise men that followed the star? Yes, I could write about all these subjects. Yet, the Holy Spirit is saying that YOU and I are the very reason He came. Jesus came to empower — to cause you to rise. For that to happen, you MUST value and esteem yourself. You must see yourself as your Heavenly Father sees you — esteemed and precious.  



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